The Jason Guffey Stories

isbird100 wrote:i hated those things

Jason wrote:JASON GUFFEY AND THE CASE OF THE MISSING DOG
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JASON AND JON

It was seven months after Dana's defeat, and we had all had a kinda good time, except for this day. The usual steaming pile of crap in my yard was gone, and there were strange radiating nuggets all over the place. Oh, and did I tell about flagagglepuss's disappearance? Well, he did, we have not heard from him since his death at the hands of Dana. Hunter had not appeared in school either, HOW CONVENIENT!!!!!! After school, Jon and I formed a party (for some strange reason) and decided to search at Hunter's base of operations, which we called the "DOG HOUSE OF NO RETURN." We went into the basement and found the sword I gave Hunter broken. We also found vines and roots all over the place. We went into Hunter's room to see what was going on.

HUNTER

We found a strange radiating greenish light coming from the wall, and Hunter's alien dog fleet bowing down to it. There were also plant things bowing as well. Then, we heard Hunter's voice coming from the light. It said, "Why do you two idiots have to barge into my room?!" We responded by saying we were worried. He then told us that he was changing into his original alien form. He needed his metamorphosis star, but one of Dana's surviving goons (Danielle) had broken it into pieces. We told him we would defeat Danielle and gain back the metamorphosis shards.

DYLAN, KAJ, RYAN, AND BRANDON

While Jon and I were looking for the metamorphosis shards, Ryan and co. were doing their own thing. Ryan had found a strange glass object in the ground, and being the fashion designer that he is, he wanted to make a necklace out of it. Then, the sky turned dark, and a big hole appeared in which the two Justins, the minis, Brandon's sister, Shannon, Molly, and Alan came out of. Brandon was very vigilant at this situation, and wanted to go train with his master. Meanwhile, a hamster-jet-thing flew by for target practice and dropped a nuclear warhead on the remaining three, killing them. Brandon trained with his master, Guy, and learned new sword techniques from him. He then faced his sister, and took her shard, while Ryan's piece was not found.

JON AND KIRK

Jon had actually done something smart and found a mole in Dana's thugs. He heard they were planning to use the metamorphosis star to turn Danielle into a newborn Dana. They heard about Jon's knowledge and Danielle went after him personally. At the dirthills, Jon was gonna face off against Danielle, but Kirk arrived before the fight to help him, and also admitted his pleasure for "accidentally" killing Ryan, Dylan, and Kaj. Danielle appeared with a huge double-edged axe. She swung one time, and wiped out Kirk's army. Kirk distracted her, while Jon threw his hatchet at her. It knocked her axe away, but she grabbed the hatchet, threw it, and offed both their heads.

JEREMY, MATT T., JEREMY B.

While this was happening, Tessman and Bayles were riding Jeremy through the sky. Two round hurling objects came toward them again!!!!!! (if it isn't obvious, it's Jon and Kirk's heads) They all fell down and encountered the two Justins. Jeremy ate one of them, but the other Justin obliterated Bayles and Tessman. Jeremy did a double-edge self-destruct attack on his brother and was destroyed, buy laid an egg to carry on his legacy.

TAY AND SHANE

Tay, having heard of her cousin's death at school the next day, wanted to avenge his death. Shane was currently bothering her, but she wasn't in the mood. She grabbed his throat and squeezed it until it was no more, and sufficated his head with her monkey-butt. When he was dead, she went on a killing spree, killing every single popular person in sight.

IAN AND BRIE

When I went to school the next day, I saw that most of my friends weren't there. I knew they had been killed. Ian and Brie came up to me at recess. They asked if I had seen Ryan or flagagglepuss, but I told them they were killed by Dana and her toadies. They wanted to play football, so I let them use mine. Dana's spirit came nearby and possessed the football and became a giant football-monster. We did a boss battle type thing on it, and I wondered where the music was coming from. It was my PSP, on the internet, it said I had mail, from flagagglepuss!! We defeated the football, and we set off to find flagagglepuss.

flagagglepuss AND JEFFREY

flagagglepuss had told me what had happened to him, and his current wherabouts through the e-mail. After Dana had killed him, he had been reincarnated into a thong. Jeffrey bought it and wore it, and flagagglepuss wanted us to help him. We snuck into Jeffrey's room, and took flagagglepuss with rubber gloves. We took him out, and I told them about Hunter and the shards. They decided to help us. We saw an article in one of flagagglepuss's magazines about Pamella Anderson. She wanted the world's most comfortable thong to wear. We found her and she had one of the shards. We gave her flagagglepuss for the shard.

DEREK, KIRK, AND BRANDON

After saying our goodbyes to flagagglepuss, we met up with Derek and Brandon along the way. Brandon gave us his shard, and they joined up with us. A horde of minis led by Shannon came to attack us. Derek pecked, Brandon sliced, I used my sword, and Brie and Ian used guns. We were still outnumbered, and Shannon was using a shard to power her army. Kirk then came in with his entire grand army of hamster warriors. I asked him how he survived and he called me a racist. He was in his human form, and wearing, as I call it, the "megagun suit." It had two AK-47's strapped to both arms, and in each hand had a switch to ignite explosives. It also had two gatling guns strapped to both sides and a laser gun on each shoulder. With his help, we defeated the horde. Shannon nuked us, and Brie and Ian had to flee. Brandon and I did a sword combo on her, but she countered me, and lethally hit Brandon, killing him. I never saw poor Birdy. Kirk had run out of ammo, and was slowed down by his guns, so he was killed. Hunter's fleet came and destroyed her, saving us. They also told us that they had defeated Molly too.


flagagglepuss, KIRK, AND HUNTER

We gave Hunter all of our shards, but we were still missing a lot of them. We needed Ryan's shard, and the seven that Danielle had. Ian, Brie, and I charged into flagagglepuss's house, which had become a breeding ground for evil people, even trying to resurrect Andrew Jackson and Osama Bin Laden. We found Danielle, but Alan stepped in to stop us. He had equipped a shard to his axe, and became eight times as powerful. Suddenly flagagglepuss came in as a dragon, with a surprising guest on his back. It was Abraham Lincoln!!! He had an AK-47 and a rocket launcher and blew up Alan. We retrieved Alan's shard, which turned out to be Ryan's, and found out flagagglepuss died again. He wanted to be reincarnated as a dragon, and Kirk wanted to be reincarnated as Abraham Lincoln, with an AK-47 and a rocket launcher. Danielle then came and changed into a form that looked like flagagglepuss with gas. We all equipped our weapons, I with my grill fork, Kirk his guns, Brie and Ian with guns, (flagagglepuss is a freaking dragon, so you don't need to ask!). She tried to persuade flagagglepuss to come with her, which he was falling for, until Brie smacked him. We somehow, someway, someplace beat her, and got the last shards. We returned to Hunter's basement and completed his star(I don't know why it's a star, it just is, STOP BEING SO MEAN YOU RACIST!!!!). He completed his metamorphosis and became a cornstalk! Can you believe that?! All that for an alien cornstalk!! Man, that costume sucks!!

The Reporter wrote:Yeah, that was kind of funny...

You guys were weird in your younger days...

Samarai1 wrote:

The Reporter wrote:Yeah, that was kind of funny...

You guys were weird in your younger days...

And still weird!